A Solo Travellers Mind

I’ve learnt a lot about goodbyes in recent weeks. Some carry a complete sense of brokenness with them, that crushing feeling in your chest, with a lump of sand in your throat. It’s a sense that whatever you have with that person will never be had again with someone else. That’s the scariest part, feeling as if the connections you have will never be that strong again, both with those being left and those potentially being met. On the other hand, goodbyes can be strange, some are not met with total sadness, but rather carry a sense of relief. And some carry a huge feeling of guilt, and others don’t feel like much at all. A lot of the relationships I have both with friends and family are incredibly intense, so those goodbyes have such a huge impact, leaving the “normal” goodbyes feeling like almost nothingness. Maybe this feeling is more to do with stress and consciousness, what level of emotion can one person comprehend before the rest is boxed up and stored for another day? Who knows. My last two weeks in the UK were filled with festivals, friends and final goodbyes, and although this brings me sadness, it’s masked by an ever growing sense of excitement.

Official goodbyes begin, clocking out of my final shift. I think maybe for the first time I was starting to believe i was actually moving away, and everything that I’ve worked towards is coming together. I’ve learnt so much over the past year, and worked with some incredible people, not every newly qualified nurse can say they’ve enjoyed 90% of their job so I’m incredibly lucky.

My best friends. Always my best friends.
Following 4 days of partying, building incredible memories with new and old friends masked that these will be the last for a long time. You see the people that stood around me that Monday morning are some of the closest people to me in the world, those that have helped me through the hardest times of my life, moments I didn’t think I could ever overcome. The intensity of the come down made goodbye easier in my opinion, with a grand total of 7 brain cells left between us, no tears, nore giggles were shed, just a simple goodbye and a hug. Maybe this was due to our ever increasing alcohol blood level, or simply down to sheer denial it was the last. Either way, walking away, although incredibly sad, I knew the next chapter for us all was exciting, new relationships and memories are about to form.

48hrs playing house with my bestie and her wonderful new family is left without many words. Having stuck by each other through thick and thin, I know this will continue. Pride is closer to how I felt, you see this goodbye includes saying goodbye to a new human, one who’s only been around for 10 months but has made an incredible impact on everyone’s life he enters, especially his mum. I couldn’t be prouder of the little family they have become, and the hurdles they’ve had to climb to reach today. As much as I’m looking forward to the sunshine, I don’t think anything will match the level of dopamine these two bring.

My friends physical form now replaced with Polaroids in a purse.