A Solo Travellers Mind

I think one thing i really noticed in myself throughout last few months in the UK was how quiet I’d become around almost everyone other than my very closest friends. Alot of the time I found myself silent with my thoughts, watching as everything occurred around me. It’s wasn’t a sense of sadness, rather more a sense that not everything I thought need be said, or could be said. (Incredibly ironic considering I’m writing a blog post on my thoughts for everyone to read now). This only really changed when I meet new people, a pattern I’ve noticed more so since travelling. I think on reflection, my silence was growth, growth away from people that werent meant to be in my life anymore, and were just their due to circumstance.
I also found silence with my close friends, a different kind of silence, where I felt at peace. With no stress or anxiety, where that fuzz (like the static to an old TV) stopped. Nothing need be said, because the time together was enough. I think when I left, the fear of the fuzz returning was quite intense. But something I’ve learnt is that silence is everywhere now. Not just in those safe spaces. I believe this may be the first time in some years that I’ve not felt irratic with my thoughts. A peculiar sense considering my environment is changing every few days. I sit writing this from a secluded beach, with the only soul to sight being a single surfer some meters away. Although this environment is new and exciting, it’s the change I’ve needed for a long time.
Once, during an intoxicated 6am chat, with someone I’ve forgotten now, I got told the art to control is being central. Feel happiness as it comes, feel sadness as it comes, but then return to central. It’s a pretty basic concept, but something I believe I struggled with, sitting central. For a lot of people, myself included, it was either happy or kinda sad. This silence, I think it is the “central”. The control.